Still and silent
I float in the deep blue,
the ocean is my master
and I its slave.
Glasses – better leave those here – check.
She says she’s never been to a real party before,
does she have to dance like in the movies?
I laugh, only if you want to.
I probably won’t dance much anyways.
We’ll just stay by the water
sit and talk,
we real cool.
Phones are boring,
talk is cheap.
She wants to dance.
I lead her onto the floor.
Packed like sardines, huh?
She doesn’t hear me.
Music is everywhere,
pulsing out of every crack and crevice.
I can barely make her out in the dim light.
Just sway like this
right, left, left, right?
I feel him behind me but pay no mind
as he wraps his arms around my waist,
enormous limbs round a stick.
The beat speeds up
and the tide comes in
drunk in love and Bud Light,
bump n’ grinding, twerking, twisting.
A boy sidles up to her and she freezes,
too sexy for her taste.
I take her arm and pull her closer to me,
hazel eyes inches away.
The boy eventually slinks away and
she’s gonna go to the water now,
take a break.
I’ll be here.
His arms tighten the second she leaves,
pressing our bodies together in the packed sea.
I feel his hand slowly creep down from my hips.
No, I swat.
His hand returns to its original place
and he lightly rests his chin on my head.
A short little twig, indeed,
his body is more than twice the size of mine,
an oak, perhaps, a redwood.
And then there was darkness.
The energy drops for a second of confusion
Jostling, pushing, shoving,
I almost didn’t realize
his hands had left my waist.
All I can see is darkness,
the faintest outlines of black shadows.
Why is it so dark?
I try to pull his hands away but he captures my wrists first.
Oh god, hands, hands, hands
how are they everywhere all at once?
The harder I writhe, the tighter the restraints
the closer the crowd pulls us together,
screams lost in the beats and cheers.
Is this the riptide they warn of?
And then pain,
shooting up and down through my bones
If sound escaped my open mouth, I wouldn’t have known.
Eyes sweating from pain? Exhaustion?
Heart pounding twice the speed of the
bass causing an earthquake under my feet.
Exhale, inhale, in-hale? Inhale, inhale, inhale.
This is what you wanted, isn’t it?
His deep voice shouts in my ear but echoes a dangerous whisper.
I don’t want this. I don’t want this.
I don’t like it, I don’t want it
and I scream at the top of my lungs,
stop, oh my god, please stop
please please please please.
Maybe he heard me,
There was no stopping.
And in the darkness I
my body, my dignity, my everything,
languid and limp.
Seconds pass, minutes
feel like decades.
The ground is unforgiving,
as are the feet upon which stomp.
I scrape at the sand,
clawing my way to the outskirts
against the current.
I shakily stand and scan the beach.
It’s lighter over here but
again only dark, blurry shadows.
A shadow lingers behind me and I
take off, sprinting down
into the water, falling headfirst.
Resurface, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale.
There you are, she thought she saw me.
She frowns, are you ok?
Why are you shaking? You’re crying!
She wants to know what’s wrong.
I’m fine. It’s just the water,
We go back up to our rooms.
She stops in front of hers, are you sure you’re ok?
I smile weakly.
Never been better.
Early rays of light peep over the horizon
and I live another day.
The water is gentle, the water is kind,
I am not afraid of the dark.