Scorn.

Scorn.  To “God” I’ll make this quick and simple,just like when it ended,when I decided to depart and wondered if You were offended. Surrounded by these people of yours, these “Christians” and “Jews”, only magnified by the preaching of them, most likely a ruse. Denouncement felt different, not in good way,evident by my lack of indifference and concatenation to the situation. After everything I did for you, I look and I wonder,Will you take it back and leave me with pain and thunder? Do you scorn me for my freedom of mind? To not be confined by the divine to follow your ideals of the mind that illustrate thy?I look and I see all these “blessings” personified in front of me. A girl of my dreams, A head on my shoulders, along with family and company. Is this some kind of sick joke for me? All these “blessings” to show me that I need thee? Do you scorn me enough to take away those that I love?First my friends, then my family, I wonder who’s next to go above? Or rather below should they steep too low.  For you anyway.  I sit in my darkness wondering if this is my place, to forever be beneath you and those who are your face. Not beneath you ‘cause you’re “God” but because I chose to be human. That I chose to follow my lust, my temptation,my greed,my happiness;That I chose not to be mindless,trapped in confinement to the divine and that, I would lose my sense of self and what makes me human;what makes me defiant…. Do you scorn me because I chose to be me? To be free? Free of these standards and regulations,of the expectations and inferred damnation?Do you scorn me because I removed my fear for you?That I have my own ideas and beliefs that I see to be true. I guess what I have now is the payment for my actions. This constant state of mental self-deprecation,that is only remedied by the dopamine that I so desperately seek indefinitely for eternity.You gave me one the worst punishments you see,I wouldn’t wish depression on even my worst enemy.  Scorn for me I understand though,I would feel the same way too. To have all the power in the world, people better respect me or they’re some fools. But it does not help the fact that I feel this scorn masked in “tough love”. You gave me these “blessings” and this fuckin’ tan,like “Wow, now I’m really a fuckin’ fan!” Your people call it blasphemy, wrong to speak of thee in gleeful disrespect. Either way, unable to convey the emotion that not only I,  but you are capable of; more human than I assumed you to be.  In response to your Scorn for me, I have only two words to say.  Fuck You.  I still love you to this day.  

This poem is about: 
Me

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