I want to know everything you remember
About how I grew up.
Tell me every detail
So you can’t change your narrative
What color was your shirt when you taught me to ride a bike?
What was the first movie you took me to see.
Tell me about the first time
You held me in your arms
How about my brother?
Tell me about empty Red bull cans
And 20 hour shifts.
Tell me about when the beast
In your skull awoke.
Tell me the color of her shirt
When you held a knife to her throat
The shape of her mouth
The first time you hit her.
Tell me the way her eyes looked
How they were as big as your fist.
When you told her you were going to kill her.
Show me the way her breath caught
As you wrapped your hands around her throat
Show me how her tears glistened
When you told her if she ever talked to you again
You would break her neck.
Help me relive
You tearing my family apart.
Do you remember
The fire in my 11 year old eyes
the first time
I told you to get the fuck out.
Do you remember
And how hard
My hatred burns for you
Because it hasn’t stopped.
She always told me:
You’re still my father
You’re just sick
I need to let it go in one ear and out the other.
I need to stop stirring the pot
Do you really think she wanted me to believe these things
As she fought with you over a knife in her own bed?
Do you think she wanted me to sit back and take all of this quietly?
That she didn’t know at the same time the beast stirred in you it stirred in me.
We are blood
Your pain is my pain.
But my pain will not be her pain
Will not be my little brother’s broken lip.
A scar he says he forgot.
My pain will be your pain.
Will be the reason you work long hours
Will be the reason you can’t sleep at night.
My pain will give you a reason
To have a knife under your pillow.
My pain will show you our pain.
You will never forget
The color of my shirt
The first time I hold a knife to your throat
The shape of my mouth
The first time I hit you.
The way my eyes look
When I tell you I’m going to kill you
The way your breath catches
As I wrap my hands around your throat.
I want to see
The way tears glisten on your cheeks
When I tell you if you ever talk to me again
I’ll break your neck.
My pain is a big talker
My pain would never do these things
I am not you.
But don’t be surprised if I become you.
House the same beasts