Philanthropist- noun. a lover of people

At fourteen I thought that i could find love at the steeple

At sixteen I found love in the sting of the needle

And now I find love in giving

 

Have you ever known the pain of living

When you’re afraid of each day right from the beginning

When you know you can’t be saved so you’re thinking of killing

The demons and watching the lights fade

 

I hated myself because he left me

Worthlessness and shame, all that i felt; he

took off came back and left again

so i never really could put my trust in

Another , my mother she felt the burn

Of watching her child suffer and hurt

 

I guess you never really can hide

The pain of having to internalize 

 

the scars they scatter my skin

the darkness seeped through especially when

the painted on façade 

plastered my face

and so I turned to what i thought to be amazing grace

 

i couldn't do it

i was going through it

and man made deities 

were powerless to save

 

so i paved my own way

through the muck and the mire

And i persevered when they did conspire

there’s a fire

conflagration

I am my very own congregation

 

Abnegation;  my only salvation.