I traumatize myself
My white walls
Anxiety hovers over me
when patients and people enter
It started when she was nine years old,
her grandfather was laying there in his hospital bed.
She wasn’t sure what was going on but before I knew it she started crying
and she was taken out of the room to get apple juice.
He died from stomach cancer.
Her grandmother was alone now, their hearts were broken.
Her baby brother was born
Premature, healthy, the new addition
She couldn’t visit him in the hospital though, had to fill out papers
12 days later, he passed in her mother’s arms
Apparently the nurse stuck the feeding tube too far down his throat
Blood was all that came up
No charges were filed
In the back room, his dead body lay
Family and friends gathered crying hysterically
Rumors of the possible killer lingered in my air vents
Echoes of silence filled my capacity until
A hard knock on the door
“Daryl’s been shot”
I screamed up the stairs to my mother
She drove to the hospital with his friend
“He’s unconscious” was the only thing we knew
motorcycle crash victim.
His wife said we could see him; she wasn’t aware what she was talking about
but she went back there with her brother and saw her dad
Covered in a white blanket only his head showing,
a tube covering his mouth, eyes shut, EKG machine off
It was clear that he had passed
She had never seen this before, it was
the hardest thing she had ever done
Her heart was pounding, hearing the sobs of her brothers
made her weak
to get out of there
and she did,
broke down in her mother’s arms
The final viewing came, they identified him and then took him away
Everyone left and I was left to my own thoughts
I do not mean to do this you know
I am not sure what is going to happen once the doctor leaves the room
I must admit that it is hard to see people deal with death
It is not my fault that death lurks around this place, what can I do?
I am just a building that keeps the patients safe, healthy, and dead.