The sadness never fades

as some may say

the sadness never dies

or goes away

i do

my soul

my presence

my love

vanishes

as if

it we’re never there

to begin with

i have fought

for what 

I believe in

i have fought

to love

i have fought to be

free

so if you wanna look at suicide

take a look at me

my bones brittle

they shake and crumble

my mind tingles as it starts to grow

numb

these thoughts of death

are beautifully broken

so many creaking doors 

to be open 

then closed

the wind hits my face

my heart races

my lips start to quiver 

I feel this pain in my liver

the alcohol 

I drank those Friday nights

just trying to 

destroy my mind 

and my heart

everything broken

how could you

how could you go

leave me here

so frozen and alone

but I loved 

I loved the pain

i loved whatever could take me

away from this

painful 

dreadful hell

“i hate myself “ is what suicide sounds like

A sharp knife against your skull is what suicide feels like

A sad person drowning sorrows through a blade is what suicide looks like

Bleeding gums and broken teeth is what suicide tastes like 

smoke is what suicide smells like 

take me away

from this hell

that holds me

in hostage

in pain

i cannot beat this game

i am not strong

i am wrong

i am weak

enough to cry

but not weak enough to die

which makes me strong