revenant of fire

Like a phoenix I rise from the ashes, a revenant of the flame, son of brimstone and fire, never able to feel the sweet embrace of infinite peace, eternal slumber, I'll never get to see what lies on the other side, what happens when you die, I will never know because I'm a revenant of fire a,…. Phoenix an eternal wraith born of flames and nurtured by brimstone, raised by fire, my situation is dire, my desire to pass on to escape this place but it keeps bringing me back, like a rat trapped in a maze every wall I knock down is one that I replace, is a paradoxical, my perfect record of avoiding death, always just inches away to meeting fate, just to have it taken away, brought back by brimstone and fire, the bastard wont leave me be, my escape is just a futile plea for freedom, from my pardon of death, a curse that tears at me from the inside, I'm destined to outlive everyone I love, to watch everyone I know die, and suffer while I stay like a picture, frozen in time, staying the same while every thing else changes and withers away, a picture that hasn't aged a day, while the book that it hides in,… has long since turned to dust, just a thread bare cover, a perfect picture in a broken frame, it's a soul crushing, depressing, thing that I can't feel the happiness that comes with death, a weird thing to say I know but when you've lived this long, eventually there nothing you haven't seen, or done, the only thing that you don’t get to experience yourself, you watch as everything you know wither away with the passage of time, days turn into years, and years turn into centuries, it's been so long I've lost count, I just know I've seen too much, too much death, too much grief to want to continue, but no-matter what I do, no-matter how it happens, when I die, I come back in an inferno of fire and brimstone, that is the life I live, I live to die, but I'm cursed to die to live, a paradox that sends me into a wave of agony every time, it hurts to see all the people I've come to know hold their hands out to me to welcome me to the afterlife just to be ripped away just as our hands are about to connect, and I'm brought back to live life alone, no point in finding friends when you'll just watch them die in the end, forced to witness them wither away, to dust while you stay the same, why find love when you wont be with it for long, you'll just have to live with them agonizing, painfully dealing with the fact that you'll have to say goodbye to them one final time, that they'll be gone, that they will pass on, while you once again take up the journey alone, a cold walk that leaves you feeling empty and numb, some would call it a blessing, but their ignorance is something I cannot fault them for, because I admit it sounds favorable to live forever to never have to worry about when the will come, when your stories final page is turned and the credits roll, a sad thought that just by living, can make someone wish to be embraced by death, to feel the comforting darkness roll in, but I can never feel that, because fire and brimstone will rip me away, just as it seem that I've made my mistake, that is the life I live, as phoenix a hell fire revenant. held down by a lock and key that has long since gone missing, damning me to an eternity of immortal, mortality. to watch the sunrise and sunset, until it makes it's last appearance when everything ends, and the world is born again, maybe then death will finally let me in,  and let me embrace the ones I've lost, the ones I love, once again, to feel the sweet embrace of death, as the darkness rolls in. 

This poem is about: 
Me

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