Remembering

I am so good at remembering

The pro of remembrance if you will

Which doesn’t mean I have a good memory

It means I’m bad at letting go

And sometimes our strengths are our weaknesses

And sometimes the opposite is true

And today I remembered your laugh

Today I remembered the taste of your jello shots

And how you hated black cherry

Today I remembered that I will be remembering you for longer than I knew you

That I am here and you are gone

And how that is unfair.

How life is unfair

I couldn’t tell you what shirt you had on

Or the phase of the moon on Halloween that year

But I remember you.

And there are so many other ghosts I am holding on to

And some of them deserve to be let go

And some of them are just as memorable as your smile

And I remember the day you told me I would someday find love

And it felt like a promise

And even though you’re gone I am still holding you to it.

And since you left I have met new ghosts

Whose smiles still permeate my own

And perhaps that’s all they were good for.

Smiles

Miles

Weeks

Months

One ghost kissed my lips in the dark

So that I couldn’t see his sapphire eyes

And he never did open them

He still clenches them tightly to avoid facing his girlfriends broken smile

And it’s not fair that I’m the reason he fell in love to begin with.

Two, the second ghost I am remembering is the one who introduced me to weed

Who taught me how to smoke

And laugh

And cry.

The second ghost who’s lips tasted like cigarettes

With nicotine so fresh I got addicted to his touch

Which I guess is what led me to the third ghost.

The man who was dead to me since the day he told me I didn’t know what love was

Because I knew you would tell me otherwise.

To let go

The ghost of a sumner I will never get back

No matter how many meals he bought me

My emotion cannot be bought

And my remembrance is a gift I will never feel guilty for giving

And I know I always deserved better

But I didn’t always believe it

You would say I deserve

Someone who remembers me

Even when the bar is so crowded

And we are so far apart

I deserve to be remembered

And I will remember each and every man who ever broke this heart

Not because I want to

And not because I have a good memory

But because sometimes the past doesn’t want to let you go

She is afraid you won’t remember her

And lately I can’t blame her

And I know someday I will leave this earth

Someday I will follow you to wherever it is we are destined to go

And no candles lit

Or tears cried will stop my body from decomposing

No lightenings bolt will bring back life to this great monument

All that I ask

Is that I’m remembered

This poem is about: 
Me

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