Reflecting over my life for tomorrow is the day I turn 21

06/26/19

I want what I don't have and take what I can't 

at 4 it was a boy and I could not 

but the rebel in me took and tasted the guilty cost

of holding his hand at a school field trip

oh how it thrilled me 

oh how it filled me

and so went on

at 5 it was a cute outfit

a bit provocative I might say 

still the other girls thought me deranged

close relative who took us away in a dark room

I have not much to say except I forgive you

at 6 it was strength how I longed for power

the boys to take me seriously

the girls to have a better reason to stay away

at 7 the teacher would have a hard time loving me 

maybe my cute face was enough to drive her insane

oh how I have much to blame

the other kids 

the pains

at 8 it looked better

my friendships were retained

no conflict no pain

we went to Disneyland everyday

at 9 the teacher gave me some pride

I learned that the earth was a magnet

my brain definitely got refined

at 10 my sports teams were my time

I skipped basketball 

and managed to play them all

at 11 I played the same game 

I like the coach’s son 

But what Coach did to me was not in the play 

at 12 was middle school the pinnacle of ridicule

how it drove me insane how much I wanted to change

in church it was the same 

what my coach did to me sadly replayed

at 13 was the last year in this place

I had a great time with friends that stayed the same

we split up went out different ways

I went to a regular high school 

did not take part in that college preparatory trace

at 14 what a wonderful place

new people

new status

what a mysterious parade

my friends were as tight as history can say

we’ve insisted on staying together that way

at 15 one moved away

but that was okay because my whole friend group had changed

we twinned and matched and lived and laughed

and worked hard until it all ended in waste

at 16 classes were harder my life was a trader

my grandma fell to the ground and went farther

but she was no martyr 

I went to the church were we sang cried and pray

oh did I pray

oh did I pray

at 17 M came

he became mine for a many of days

a 2 year investment wasted away

for that long he was my main frame

at 18 so broken and contained 

I wrestled my way into fame

I broke two ankles and endured some shame

at 19 in college what could I say

I traveled the world before that day when I walked in that dorm

ready as clay being molded 

as destiny creates

at 20 invested in a whole new display

of Jesus my Savior claimed me that day

April 6th two-O nineteen

I’m still in this place

I got baptized and much is the same 

except my refuge is no longer video craze

in every step of the way 

today being the last of my 20th day 

I could proudly come say that it was a beautiful race

now I want what I don’t have and take what I can’t

is not the trait I’d use to describe my fate

at 21 I hope to maintain the beauty of this amazing grace

poured out for me from the grotesque manger-made 

in wood display the cross 

the tomb laid

the Son of Man and history changed

all ugliness and brutality washed away 

in love

as the Father came down for us 

in a place so unsustained

to make a way for us to be with him 

in a house with many rooms

 

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

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