Happy girl. Nice girl. Innocent girl. “Cute” girl.

This happy face I put on for everyone, tells them these things

The innocent stories I tell, tell them these things

The nice songs I sing, tell them these things

The “cute” things I do, tell them these things

They don’t see the pain and worry that I always have inside me

Darkness follows me around and engulfed my family

They are hanging on by a thread

Waiting for the last straw to break our backs

A tiny fraction of the people I know, know me

They see behind the things I talk about, look like, and do

This is real, this is me

Am I exactly where I’m supposed to be?

When will the lights shine on me?

Am I going to find who I am in this madness that we call life?

A funny way to teach you things…you know?

Pain + more pain + a hint of happiness + a dash more of pain

This is the formula of my life.

The pain that hurts my family hurts me.

Their pain worries me.

But even through all of the pain and worry I still have a bit of hope.

Maybe that’s why I’m still the happy, nice, innocent, and “cute” girl people see.

Those things are a glimpse of the hope I have in me

The hope of a better place

The hope of light to brighten my family’s world

The hope I’ll find my place in the world to be me