Sometimes I feel like I should start drinking
Should do some coke and smoke
Wonder if I really like my coffee black
Or if I really need some cream and sugar
Because I’m not capable of handling reality the way I thought I could
Turns out I’m nothing
I’m not loved
I know that
But people keep me around
I’m not worth hating
I’m blank now
I evoke no emotion and I continue to be forced to associate
With people who don’t know me
People who don’t want me
But society says it’s rude for them to say so
Why exist
Why am I a part of life
Where’s the difference
Just to fill up empty space
In people’s hearts their minds and to waste their time
What the hell
Why stay here if all I do is take up space
Like another brick in another wall
In a different place in a different wall
I don’t quite fit and there’s no cement
I just exist to wander
I’m always a guest in the lives of people who I care the most
And I’m not good enough to be committed to
No I’m not talking about my love life I’m talking all general
Love how love is so important but sometimes I think I don’t love
I remember being passionate and now I’m numb
What am I working for
Times moving forward while I stand still
I’m slowing down
Now I’m stopped
Going nowhere
Kicked out
Who’s there?
It’s someone new
Everyone is new
All the people who said they’d be forever?
Gone
Still alive just in different lives
Everyone new says they’re different
Won’t last long
It never does
Who can keep up?
But who knows
Now that I’ve lost my momentum
Lost my ambition
Have no direction
There’s no plan B
Not even a plan A
Just ideas
No outlets to share everything I believe
I’ve been told where I belong since I could walk
And I don’t belong on the stage
I don’t belong in a spot light or in the smile on people’s faces
But that’s all I can do right
That’s my only value
And I’ve been living for free
Have to go beyond my own work
My natural self doesn’t get paid
I’m lazy because I’ve never been given a chance
I’m not in a place to thrive, what am I doing in college?
I’m 16 trying to change the world
I’m not a scholar
I’m 18 giving up on everything because I can’t go any farther
My only family is temporary friends
The real one pushed me even further towards self hate
I’ll probably have it until I’m dead
They named me Thomas and told me how to act
I told the world I’m Tom and showed them who I really am
But at the end of the day I still have to redawn my mask