“you push away anyone who could possibly care about you. why is that?”

i need you, but I tell you to leave me alone.
i want you to stay, but I need you to go.
i need someone to understand, but I will argue you until I can’t breathe that you can’t possibly understand. There’s no way.
i need someone to hold me, but I can’t let you touch me.
i need people who care about me, but they can’t stay. You’re going to hurt me eventually.
i can’t let people walk all over me, yet I lay down and roll out the red carpet.
i need people who need me, but I can’t handle that pressure.
i need people who look up to me, but I can’t be a role model.
i need you to be there for me, but don’t smother me.
i need you to leave me alone, but I can’t be alone for a second.
i’ve come so far, achieved so much, changed my life around,
but I’ll always be that ten year old girl who’s daddy always told her,
“you’re nothing. you’ll never achieve anything. you can’t do this.”
i need you to love me, but how could anyone possibly feel for me?