The Proper life

I’m a 14 year old white, privileged male born in a first world country.

I want to be an engineer.

On a path towards ‘success’.

I hated every single minute of it.

It took me over a year to negotiate a way out.

I kept myself there for longer than I’d have liked.

I was diagnosed with ‘situational depression’ last year.

I cried uncontrollably again today.

This happens pretty frequently.

You know.

I don’t regret it one single bit.

For the rest of my life,

Even with tearful bouts,

I get to choose who I become.

It feels hard right now.

Like, I’ll never figure it out.

Or things won’t really get better.

Yet, ironically, my symptoms are a physical response to the hatred I felt for the environment I found myself in.

My body was screaming at me.

Quit, whilst you can.

Move on.

Time is precious.

Live the life you want to live.

I’m still a long way off that.

Difference is,

I’m making progress towards it.

My previous identity wasn’t doing that.

I’ll finish with this.

If you think the following,

‘I am broken. I’ll never repair. Things won’t get better. I’m damaged”

Do this,

Scroll from top to bottom for this forum.

That’s only two years of content.

Think you are the only one?

It’s far more common than you think.

Take strength.

You are a normal, functioning human being.

With emotions, responding appropriately to a set of circumstances.

Yes, perhaps you can improve how you react to external circumstances.

Take lessons from the undemonstrative.

It’s far easier said than done.

The good news is, the alternative is to be a sociopath.

Nobody wants to be a sociopath, don’t be that.

Just be yourself.   

Trust me you'll be there one day.

This poem is about: 
Me

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