The Princess and the Liar


In the far corners of the Kingdom Null

There is a pond that sits behind a castle, old

Full of treasure and full of gold

And within the palace and royal court

There is a princess with a royal name

Who goes to the pond for sport and game

And in the pond, there is a poison frog

Who had some poison thoughts and poison eyes

That the treasure in the bog was nothing without the princess as his prize

One fateful day, sneaking from a party stiff and rough

Hosted for the sole purpose of getting her married off

To the pond, the fair girl stole for she had had enough

With worry gracing her cheeks she crumpled beside the bog

Whispering want for love and more than marriage quietly

Making ripples amongst the coy she began to sob silently

And that dastardly villain, that amphibious jerk

Decided to prey on her vulnerability

And  set to work, never having been given any accountability

So that cute little Dartfrog with so not cute intentions

Hopped onto a lily pad, cleared his froggy throat

“Excuse me majesty, but this poor bloke couldn't help but notice your reflection”

The princess surprised, stopped crying in shock

As the tiny fish-lizard gave her a smile of well-practiced charm

She ignoring every red flag or alarm and  stayed seated on the rock

“Your Highness, I so understand what you are talking about.

I refused to marry someone I wouldn't happily snog

And my mother, a witch, though you may doubt, turned me into a Frog!

She said ‘You romantic, handsome Prince of a fool

A marriage with love is honestly a mess

You will stay a Frog until you get a kiss from a Princess”

With a bat from his eyes and a falsely nervous chuckle

He explained how he has fallen in love with her voice

And as she was the only one able to save him from this trouble he gave her a choice

“If the Princess would please give me a peck” lied the fruit cake

I'd turn back to a Prince and we’d be married in the hour

Or I'll die knowing love is fake. But forever I'll love you with all of my power.

She considered how suspiciously romantic and slightly contradicting

The Frog weaved tales of his riches and other false facts

With his froggy phalanges twisted behind his back, his hands had her heart constricting

And the princess with too many thoughts under her hair

Believed the frog and his fairy tale fair

and kissed him then and there

And the mucus from the villain's skin

Full of deadly poison

Slipped into her lips, so thin and caused asphyxiation

Her breath stuttered, her eyes unfixed

And the Frog not knowing how humans show bliss

Assumed she was alright and merely flustered by the kiss

Patting himself on the back

As she started to foam at the mouth

Asked if she would like to go back to his place, have some wine and relax

When she didn't reply, he took her to his lair

The Frog jumped back into the water with a handful of hair

Dragging into the murky deep the head of the Princess fair


As you can imagine no self-respecting suitor come to get himself a queen

Was going to chill with the competing heirs

So the French prince Javere went to look for Princess Irene

He came up the hill wandering alone

And seeing in the pond the convulsing body of the king’s daughter

Ran, secured his footing on the stones pulled her from the water  

He laid Irene gently on the rocks, her mind and conscious far

And using the only medical training princes received back then

The Prince gave her his best true loves kiss in a sort of medieval CPR

Coughing to life and beyond high from the poison

The Princess declared her love for the prince she believed was an amphibian

And the Prince for the sake of his mission set aside his confusion

She kissed him again and asked if what he had said was true

And if he would marry her today

“I didn't think it would happen like this at all, but heck yeah babe!”

Delighted the two neither dillied nor dallied

Still delirious she rambling about a lily pad themed wedding the whole way

And the young Prince and Princess were married that day




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