The Princess and the Liar
In the far corners of the Kingdom Null
There is a pond that sits behind a castle, old
Full of treasure and full of gold
And within the palace and royal court
There is a princess with a royal name
Who goes to the pond for sport and game
And in the pond, there is a poison frog
Who had some poison thoughts and poison eyes
That the treasure in the bog was nothing without the princess as his prize
One fateful day, sneaking from a party stiff and rough
Hosted for the sole purpose of getting her married off
To the pond, the fair girl stole for she had had enough
With worry gracing her cheeks she crumpled beside the bog
Whispering want for love and more than marriage quietly
Making ripples amongst the coy she began to sob silently
And that dastardly villain, that amphibious jerk
Decided to prey on her vulnerability
And set to work, never having been given any accountability
So that cute little Dartfrog with so not cute intentions
Hopped onto a lily pad, cleared his froggy throat
“Excuse me majesty, but this poor bloke couldn't help but notice your reflection”
The princess surprised, stopped crying in shock
As the tiny fish-lizard gave her a smile of well-practiced charm
She ignoring every red flag or alarm and stayed seated on the rock
“Your Highness, I so understand what you are talking about.
I refused to marry someone I wouldn't happily snog
And my mother, a witch, though you may doubt, turned me into a Frog!
She said ‘You romantic, handsome Prince of a fool
A marriage with love is honestly a mess
You will stay a Frog until you get a kiss from a Princess”
With a bat from his eyes and a falsely nervous chuckle
He explained how he has fallen in love with her voice
And as she was the only one able to save him from this trouble he gave her a choice
“If the Princess would please give me a peck” lied the fruit cake
I'd turn back to a Prince and we’d be married in the hour
Or I'll die knowing love is fake. But forever I'll love you with all of my power.
She considered how suspiciously romantic and slightly contradicting
The Frog weaved tales of his riches and other false facts
With his froggy phalanges twisted behind his back, his hands had her heart constricting
And the princess with too many thoughts under her hair
Believed the frog and his fairy tale fair
and kissed him then and there
And the mucus from the villain's skin
Full of deadly poison
Slipped into her lips, so thin and caused asphyxiation
Her breath stuttered, her eyes unfixed
And the Frog not knowing how humans show bliss
Assumed she was alright and merely flustered by the kiss
Patting himself on the back
As she started to foam at the mouth
Asked if she would like to go back to his place, have some wine and relax
When she didn't reply, he took her to his lair
The Frog jumped back into the water with a handful of hair
Dragging into the murky deep the head of the Princess fair
meanwhile
As you can imagine no self-respecting suitor come to get himself a queen
Was going to chill with the competing heirs
So the French prince Javere went to look for Princess Irene
He came up the hill wandering alone
And seeing in the pond the convulsing body of the king’s daughter
Ran, secured his footing on the stones pulled her from the water
He laid Irene gently on the rocks, her mind and conscious far
And using the only medical training princes received back then
The Prince gave her his best true loves kiss in a sort of medieval CPR
Coughing to life and beyond high from the poison
The Princess declared her love for the prince she believed was an amphibian
And the Prince for the sake of his mission set aside his confusion
She kissed him again and asked if what he had said was true
And if he would marry her today
“I didn't think it would happen like this at all, but heck yeah babe!”
Delighted the two neither dillied nor dallied
Still delirious she rambling about a lily pad themed wedding the whole way
And the young Prince and Princess were married that day