First sound- jarring microphone feedback

The next, perhaps even more jarring- his name, followed by yours

I-only-remember-your-first-name Mike gives him a congratulatory pat on the back

You stand there smiling because  

Gown that you saved three paychecks for hugging your every curve

Hairspray soaked sweat tinted curls dangling next to your mouth

His hand placed delicately on the small of your back as if to catch you if you were to fall  

Those two kids who are president of every club place the 2 dollar plastic crown on your head like: “your whole student body voted for you two” perfect

Like: “everyone clapping for you wishes they had what you two have” perfect

Like: his glistening smile whispering, “you’re beautiful” in your ear as you slow dance under this cheap gag-inducing spotlight is anything genuine, But you know

 

Last night that glistening smile was made up of gritted teeth referring to you as a slue of colorful names that hurt more than the hardest of blows

Standing in his driveway you are longing for “the whispered beautiful” but on this night there is

No roomful of starry-eyed students to cheer you on

And there is

No delicate hand to catch you as you DO fall backward

Head slamming the concrete

Shuffling to catch your balance you turn for your car

Your keys stashed in his pocket-

 

Square wipes away the sweat from his brow as HE is crowned

 

Prince Charming and his Princess

But you know that

Despite his two dollar crown, he is no prince

 

But, of course,

By now it has all just become so… normal

And you stop feeling it- you stop feeling everything

Numbness runs through your veins

It is your drug

Numbness keeps you alive

More injections with every name, every blow

Thank God for the numbness

Because it silences your pain and your cries

They won’t know what they can’t see, and you won’t see what you can’t feel

 

 

Sitting at that stop light, rush hour, you wait, like one does

I like to describe familiar colors with crayon names

We’ll call this one screamin green

You sit there, clutching your steering wheel, kinked neck

The light changes- right there vibrantly in your face- screamin green

It’s as if a toddler took that very crayon and scribbled it in the back of your eyes- one color- tunnel vision

Your next move should be so simple, right foot on the gas pedal yet|

You can’t move a muscle

The cars behind you lay on their horns. Wake up, move, hello, don’t you see it?

It’s so obvious, I mean screamin, right there, in front of you and you can’t budge

The question tugs on the bottom of your pant leg like that toddler with the crayon in hand- why can’t you open your eyes to the truth that is so clear?

 

 

Mount Vesuvius- you explode

 

Because that Prince of Perpetual Pain is so…not…worth it

For the first time, familiar thoughts that are foreign as words come spilling out of your mouth

You catch them gently in your hands,

Raise them up to the light, vibrant watermarks, yes

 

Look at yourself,

Standing there

Breathing life into YOUR story

Finally you realize you have a voice, You|

Are so much stronger than this

Than him

 

And how could you have seen it coming when

You were little you were taught about the man who lures you into his minivan with candy to hurt you, but

NO one taught you about the BOY who lures you into his heart with his deadly smile| to hurt you

And how hard it can be to find your way out

And how God gave our SKIN the power to self-heal, but neglected to provide our souls with that same gift

Thank you

You cemented the bricks into place for this freshly built wall guarding my heart

You hung the wet cement sign so nicely

And furthermore only those worthy

will find their way in