The music in my ears

I use to mask the voices in my head

That tell me I’ve gotten myself in too deep.

The bass in the background mimics the sound of your footsteps

As the drum plays the front door closing.

I play it off like i need to get something from downstairs

But really, I just wanna see if you’re still here.

You are,

But it doesn’t make me feel better.

I grab my laptop and retreat to the safety of silence and closed doors.

Maybe if I write all my feelings out, 

I won’t feel anymore.

Maybe if I can’t hear you, I won’t care.

I won’t be curious.

I won’t want to run to you

And kiss you

And make love to you

As if it is the last time.

But really, it’s all lies.

And it won’t be the last time,

Because no matter what,

You never leave.

Just as these tears threaten to fall,

Even as you hold me and comfort them away,

Down my cheeks they slide.

There are no words to fix this without losing a part of me.

So I cry in the safety of silence

As the music plays on.



Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741