The music in my ears
I use to mask the voices in my head
That tell me I’ve gotten myself in too deep.
The bass in the background mimics the sound of your footsteps
As the drum plays the front door closing.
I play it off like i need to get something from downstairs
But really, I just wanna see if you’re still here.
But it doesn’t make me feel better.
I grab my laptop and retreat to the safety of silence and closed doors.
Maybe if I write all my feelings out,
I won’t feel anymore.
Maybe if I can’t hear you, I won’t care.
I won’t be curious.
I won’t want to run to you
And kiss you
And make love to you
As if it is the last time.
But really, it’s all lies.
And it won’t be the last time,
Because no matter what,
You never leave.
Just as these tears threaten to fall,
Even as you hold me and comfort them away,
Down my cheeks they slide.
There are no words to fix this without losing a part of me.
So I cry in the safety of silence
As the music plays on.