For my sister Annemarie
Its not that we couldn't be
its not that we never have been
its not that we cant see
more so a matter of when
the time and place ever so important
a drifting memory of us in the yard
we played and laughed
we had good fun
we had a family
a unit of one
now that it makes sense
we see we were never one
worse yet, we still arent
we was brother
we was sister
we had bond
we had blood
there was blood
on the ground it shed
you I saw fly through the air
thinking my dog is dead
I have no dog, I thought
I turned to see you, my dog?
you lie there motionless, not breathless fore the screams erupted and in plenty
Dad was asleep
your screams couldnt wake him, but your name did
That day everything changed.
never the same,but not by choice
No more fun
no more bond
no more laughter
no more sister
no more brother
cicrcumstance can destroy and obliterate, puncture and wound
but it only draws the blood if you let it.
here we lay,together yet separate.
this IV of circumstance drawing blood from the veins of our relationship
drawing drawing drawing
there is no erase
not until recently did I feel pain.
and for you I feel pain not until now.
there are no words to describe the tears built inside me
I want to say the simple words, but they cant describe how I really feel
Im….no, I cant, they wont last
only the ripping of the IV of circumstance out of our vein will heal the pain and suffering.
what is worse,I wonder, to suffer obliviously or to know suffering as it takes you into oblivion.
And now youre here.
Pouring out your stomach as I attempt to pour out my heart.
Symbolic it seems.
Getting rid of the waste, between us.
Between my words you dismiss yourself to dismiss waste
like dismissal of thew emotions running deep in our hearts
you throw up to heal
we heal as I expell and only you can heal as you expell
Im not mad
Im just sorry