Party Because You Won

Rain falls hard

I feel like a drownededed rat
since I just ran through the downpour
to get to a class
I didn’t realize
didn’t start for two hours

I was running
hot chocolate spilling out
of the cheap paper mug
disintegrating in my hand
as I said hi to strangers
and tried to keep positive
as God’s tears permeated my raincoat

I thought of a party
I was going to have a party, I decided
since I dreamt it last night

A party built around a tumblr post that said:
Nah, fuck that. Party like they WERE. Party with the hope in your heart that the next twelve months will make up for it. Party because it’s behind you and you fucking survived. Party because you’re alive and still awesome despite the last twelve months trying to destroy you.
Party because you won.

In my dream
we belted karaoke
I sang Hedwig and Apres Moi
due to emotional reasons
(emotional reasons govern my life)

And the point of the party
was to wash away
all the hurt we felt
from college
and adulthood
and the psychological distress that’s tacked onto both

And my heart
was pulled by Art’s apparitional hands
pulling my heart from my chest
and bringing me towards the light
of all the pureness that exists in our universe

And my co-host friend was fussing
since I let our friends have beer
but screaming from my heart
into the vastness of drunken, hurling, brawling beloveds
just like Hedwig herself

And I walked in the rain
imagining this happy place
this party
in which singing was salvation
and Art was a beautiful ghost who possessed the willing

And as cars went splashing
I imagined all the cool punk rock covers
of classic MT songs I could do
and how this party is a thing
that should definitely happen in real life

I wrote on the board
of the coffee shop downtown
where I got the hot chocolate
who’s mug got mangled from the rain

Their prompt was
“Why is today a good day?”
and I wrote
with pastel purple chalk
“Because the semester/school year is nearly finished"

And on a friend’s status
which said we only have three weeks left
I nearly commented
“Fuckity-hell, thank GOD!”
but I didn’t since she’s classy
and she’s the same friend
who’d be pissed at me
for letting our beloveds have beer

But anyways
even if it’s only me
on the night of May 15th
in the compact mess I call a living room
I will be up there
in my own euphoria
belting along with Amanda Palmer and John Cameron Mitchell
on tinny tiny youtube clips

And you're spinning
Your new 45's
All the misfits and the losers
Yeah, you know you're rock and rollers
Spinning to your rock and roll

Come on, darling, sing with me-
we made it!

Lift up your hands


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