''Painted White, Hard To Be Visible''


Surrounded by laughs and smiles
While I just listen
Only my ears are open
Sealed lips shut
Words can't be spoken
I understand
This is who I am
I say what they want to hear

I often appear indifferent and quiet
Never aggressive, but indecisive
Can't decide this to that 
Closing my eyes
To face the facts 
That I don't belong
Going foward with no direction
While everyone gets attention

So bland. So scared to scand out
Born as a passive follower. Not a natural leader. 
They can dance and sing
I can't do either
I have feet that can walk
A mouth that could talk 
Maybe I can be like them
If I take that shot

Sometimes it's hard to describe myself
As nice or painfully shy
I am colorful and wonderful 
We know that's a lie
Beauty is what's on the inside
For everyone to see
Go for it. Be bright. Be you.
If I only believed

I can't reveal my mysterious colors
I have no appeal or attraction
I am into the habit of reading
It's my only attachment
Just unacceptance and less interaction
Just be you
The world is full of blisssful people 
Who I look up to 

Who have no same and distress
Going towards fame and success
I am only a blank canvas
A chick in a hard-shelled egg
A shadow
Trying to direct towards light
The brightness everyone has within
A sight for happiness and positive spirits 

How easy life would if I traveled back through time
As a single-minded child
In a world of laughs and smiles
No regrets or wrong decisions 
Finally found myself
In the right position 
The light is still in the dark somewhere
I just need to keep searching

I want to take off my mask 
Letting go of my past
My body was fragile like glass
I was changing too fast 
Legs too weak for Gym class
Doctors say these days may be my last
What hurts the most 
Is I've coped with it for so long

What's keeping me from pulling back the curtain
Is fearing how people will view me
Out of my box and into reality
If I am an outcast or a Somebody
Hatching the egg to begin a new transformation 
Picking up the brush to paint a new creation
My body's new fascination

People look at me 
But I have always felt so uncertain 
Hiding behind my own curtain 
I among the stage being watched 
An unordinary girl 
Reading to be represented 
Who can speak perfectly 
For the world to listen


Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741