Painted with Anxiety

I'm in a room full of people
Smilin' and laughin'
And I can't bring my mind to joining them now or hereafter.
I'm thinking about death,
And I'm thinking about darkness.
I'm thinking about the loneliness my anxiety causes.
I'm thinking about harming myself,
And I'm thinking about screaming.
I'm thinking about the monsters that creep in my dreams an'
I'm so far from conscious, I can't even think about reason.
Yet I'm thinkin' about a million ways I can slit my wrists deep an'
Join all my emotions that are locked up with my demons.
The ones that are schemin' an' concocting up ways to trick me into freein' 'em.
So I get lost in an abyss while my mind spins like crazy,
My memory distortin' and my eyesight gets hazy.
I hold my breath and start thinking about how much that I hate me.
How much that I've grown into this stranger lately.
Someone I can't stand.
Someone who so blatantly
Talks about dying, and thrives on negativity
And shamin' me.
Someone who wants me dead, and each day tries to break me.
Someone that hates me,
Acts hard but is faking.
Tries to play me, but ain't me.
You're not really me, yet you are
So I blame me.
But I won't let you kill me.
No, I'm not that easy!
I'm gonna learn from these lessons,
And guess what?
I'm gonna be leading
Myself and others out of confusion, into freedom
while you sit in the dark,
And freezing.
Though you were key to my growth, and I never would've dreamed it,
I love you..
But fuck you
You're no longer needed.

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