I try to numb the pain.
The pain of everything and of nothing.
The pain that I cannot put into words
And the pain I try so hard to control
The pain that somehow always seems to find its way out
Through my antidepressants, food binges, agonizing encounters with my own body.
The pain that makes me ache to feel alive again
So achy that I will my body to hurt
So achy that I purposely injure myself
Because that piercing pain allows me to feel.
I cry out silently
I am in pain!
Yet no response is merited.
I realize the voice was just in my head
Because I am still trying to mask the pain
That reverberating ache
Inside my mind
Tearing, pounding, endlessly.
At least these words help release some of the pain.