If only you knew the way I feel inside.
If only you knew all the nights that I’ve cried.
I still remember the morning Liz cried and you held her,
you ignored my cries, yet comforted a total stranger…
I’ve spent so many years alone,
thinking you were my only home.
But all along you’ve never known,
how cold my heart has grown.
You’d never see it because life hurt you, too,
but mom I was the one who really needed you.
When I thought of the knife and the blade,
you were the one I needed, to be saved.
When I pondered all the ways,
I could fall into a haze,
You were the one I needed at my side,
you were the one I needed to hear my cry.
But you sat in your room with the tv,
said you were busy, didn’t have time for me.
You spent all day at work so stressed and tired,
and I spend my days wishing you’d just get fired.
It’s wrong, I know, because you’ve devoted so much,
but what I needed most was your motherly touch.
I needed your warmth, the security of your love,
but instead I’m here hurting, and you’re the main cause.
I just wanted you to listen to my pain,
but instead you ignored me to stay sane.
I know you’ve been hurt, mom, I see it in your eyes.
But you didn’t have to just leave me behind.
I tried to be there for you, despite my broken heart.
But you threw me away, threw me like a dart.
But you didn’t reach the goal, you always had bad aim.
For, our relationship isn’t what you always claim.
You tell your friends that we get along so well,
but you don’t even know that I’ve been to hell.
You say that we talk about everything every day,
you define “everything” in a very peculiar way.
You never knew how deep my wounds were,
so time passed us both in a snap, a blink - a blur.
Now I’m eighteen and still so damn depressed,
because I just can’t take the angst I’ve repressed.
All I ever wanted was your attention, your love.
But all I ever got was that I’ll never be enough.