After everything i went through so far in the new year, 2014, I've decided to leave to Ecuador for the next month. After going through attempted suicide, hospitalization, the pysch ward, therapy, trying to find myself back into life, and such; i was finally finding myself back into reality. I was becoming whole again, forgetting my crazy obsessed ex-girlfriend, and trying to get back the person I was, filled with positive, optimistic energy who always look for a good time. More importantly, the free spirited and easy to talk to person I was with girls. I lost this quality I had for quite a long while, but I was getting in back. It was the end of 2013, months since I left the hospital, and since I spoke to my ex. Things were shaping up! Yes, finaly have I found peace, and have accomplished things Ive wanted, gained love and confidence for myself, and found the things that make me satisfied in life. This includes finishing my two colleges classes that killed me at the time with work, and out of nervousness. Also, working for money on the side to save, my friends who I have close connections with, the fun moments I share with these people like at parties, and lastly two wonderful females that give me that warm feeling in my chest, my body, and if you will maybe say my heart. Am I in love? No, however, I am happy with what i have, I love where I am, and love the fact that I found these two beautiful people inside and out. But the nightmare for which I was internally afraid of, came to be....my ex coming to find me again.
Not only was I aware of a dark secret she had to confess to me, but o find out she was dying because of an illness. Mind you, this woman is mentally unstable, shes a hopeless, unloved human being with a sad childhood, and had lack of love and care. But she can manipulate me, and make me feel so sorry for her to end up showing sympathy for her and to be kind to her, the way I naturally am. Im going to drift away from this and add something about myself....the only thing I find missing about myself is sex. Someone I can release my sexual desires with. One of these beautiful girls i mentioned earlier might be the one for that because the other is a virgin. But my ex fucked up these amazing chain of events I had into my life, and just shitted on it. She fucked up my life again, and now I need to leave from this place, becuase I dont feel safe, I cant maintain myself, I get angry uncontrollably from the thought of my ex and I am not a violent person. But she releases a "madman", an aggravated side of me that isnt me.
I plan on getting a better mindset, stronger and wiser version of myself through the experience in Ecuador for the next couple weeks.
This is truth, this is my life experience. Done