An Open Letter

Locations

85339
United States
33° 16' 34.1112" N, 112° 17' 9.924" W
85339
United States
33° 16' 34.1112" N, 112° 17' 9.924" W

I don't know where to start
Or where this will go
But there is so much that you need to know
Three years have gone by
Not a damn word from you
A hello, how are you, I hate you...
What is a "daughter" to do?


Never did I imagine we'd be this way
Yet I question your actions everyday
Blatantly, there's so much I can say
That's only known between you and I
About all the times I contemplated suicide


Because you said you regretted I lived at birth
How you took meds to kill me before I met the Earth
Or how my father wasn't mine because you had no self worth
On a search I went because of your bullshit and lies
Thinking you would never hurt me
How naive could one be?


Coming from a woman who put me on medication at eleven
Damn it Mom, I was bullied... Beat up
Hated taking pills right at seven
Sucks now that I really have anxiety because of you
Can't trust anyone, because nothing anyone says is true
Or how about how you said it was a good idea to lose my virginity my freshman year?
Got a purity rig instead, saved myself
Got slapped in the face for disobeying

 

Throughout the drama and the tears
I told myself I had to love you
The my emotions came from truth
All you wanted was something to do
So fucking me up was the path you'd choose

 

Let's spend another moment
On how you were okay with a grown man raping your daughter
Thank God he never did
But what the hell were you thinking?!
Waking up and seeing Mom's boyfriend watch me sleep
Sorry but that was enough to see your mind was breaking

 

Now you give him pictures of me
To do God knows what to
I was a kid, Mom, is this how you wanted it to be?
Have your daughter grow up without you
Question her own damn mother
Finding out everything was a lie?
How I was alone in the hospital
Planning out how I would die?


I cant believe I've come to grips with this
My childhood was your own fucked up bliss
Hooked on pain meds, out cheating and lying
Making up diseases to get money, fuck trying
I watched and witnessed my real mother die
Your mental illness got the best of you


Fuck, it's sad that at Christmas ever year I'd ask "Santa" to fix you
And pill bottles appeared under the tree
There's nothing you can do to fix this
The damage has been done
You can no longer break me
Hold my throat and hit me
Suffocate the only life I have left


Face it, you're the one who messed it up, you have a debt
I wish I could say I love you but I don't
I can't lose a person I don't even know
The things you did changed me for a lifetime
There is no fixing you
And it's not my job to


Sometimes I can't look in the mirror because I look just like you
But I can never be you
Don't worry, I don't hate you
You'll never meet my kids or see me again
This puppet got her strings cut
Not my wrists this time

 

Don't worry, I'll be alright
I won't lose sleep tonight
I forgave you
But there's no place here for you
This is the end


Look at all the bridges you've burned
It's my disrespect you have earned
So goodbye, Mom...
This is the last you'll hear from me
And remember why I'm not around.

Goodbye.

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