You had one job.

You brought me into this world,

A big place, full of big, scary things,

And I was unsuspecting. 

Naive, young, trusting. 

Did you forget all your responsibilities?

When you bring a child into the world,

You are supposed to love, 

Comfort, 

PROTECT THEM. 

Love was fabric hair ties in place of toys at Christmas,

Being left for hours on end,

Hungry cries,

And going back and forth from yours to Daddy’s.

Comfort was being alone,

A bed to sleep,

To cry silently so no one would hear me.

Comfort was going to Daddy’s for the weekend,

Scared to come back to you. 

PROTECTION.

It was all I needed…

I needed to be safe from all the needles that laced the floors,

From the yelling and anger,

From the broken glass, still a scar on my left foot,

From the phone flying towards my head,

But mostly,

From the man who stole my innocence

Before I even knew what it was. 

All those days, 

Afraid in my room - my place of comfort,

And you did nothing…

That was when I needed protection the most. 

Every day,

I live with that trauma…

It shows in different ways.

It’s hard for me to trust others,

I hate being alone,

Relaxation induces panic attacks,

I question everyone who stays in my life,

And I still need validation a hundred times a day from those that love me…

They have to say I love you as a reminder that they do, 

And that they won’t leave me. 

Because everyone who I love leaves or ends up hurting me. 

And that started with you.