i cant live here anymore

in this house that is

too big and too small at the same time

and too silent.

alone with my sister 

and my demons and the dark

and the spiders that make webs in the corners of the ceiling

and no way to get out amymore.

They boarded up my windows and locked my doors

when they took my poems. 

And my taking Skylark away from me

they shattered my spirit and broke my soul

my fire flickeres out.

i cant breathe.

i cant stay here

im losing everything

the walls... the world... i built around myself

crumbles to dust

im alone now. 

Im sorry that i'll never get to talk to you again.

not here, not like this.

not the happy carefree banter that was so signature to me

and no more poems either. 

not until the sentence is lifted

can i write another line, another word

friends and fantasies drop like flies

i cant be a poet, an author, anymore

i will not write like this

i will not sing another note until i am free

i will not take their weight and drag it along

where they want me to be

you break it, you buy it

they break me, they get the consequences:

a ticking time bomb

that explodes at the slightest touch

over and over

unfixable

i will bre broken and resist all help

until they let me help myself

they can starve me and freeze me

i wont take their food, theyre warmth

i must make it myself

like i made a life out of this screen, this keyboard

and these words.

they take the life i made, well

it's my only one

i will be broken

they will break me

and cut themselves on my edges

and i will draw blood

one last time-

Goodbye

forever