one day

When i first looked into your eyes

they reminded me of the warmth i felt every time

I took a sip of coffee with my favorite hazelnut creamer

 

But I,

couldn't ignore that your looks,

didn’t give you a free pass to manipulate and lie to me.

 

Saying you cared about me and showing me otherwise

It mimicked the time when my parents said "i love you"

But behind closed doors I’d hear shatters and screams

Threatening everything i knew and thought about what it meant to be

 

In a healthy relationship;

 

It consists of a touch so soft

Consensual with trust

That could have us glowing like the moon at dusk

 

But,

 

It does not consist of  

Having me surrounded by dead roses

Repeating i love you i love you not

 

Because i love you

But you love me not

Or maybe you do?

 

No clue as to how I keep letting you degrade and berate me.

Telling me I’m not good enough, yet simultaneously trying to control me.

 

I thought I was in a healthy relationship

Yet you were as rotten as the carrots, spinach, and raspberries

I left in my fridge

For weeks..

We were in this together for weeks, months, years

Yet you only caused me to decay.

 

And in a healthy relationship,

Loving each other,

Trusting me completely as I trust you

Will be a reality for me.

 

And when that day comes,

I’ll say to someone new

“Because I love you

I’ll offer my hand to hold

Even when we struggle in the cold

And we’ll build each other up  

To be strong and independent individuals.

 

and for you and I to understand what it

truly means to work in tandem

will be the reason as to why

we will become

unstoppable.”

 

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741