Before. We celebrated
Chanukah. The Dradle spinning
Round and round
Until it fell.
I hugged mommy and daddy
Goodnight. And grabbed Fred the bear
And went to bed.
I dreamed of tomorrow,
I walked to School the next day.
Holding hands with my twin Sister Arielle. Doing
Anything to protect her.
She was my best friend.
When we got to the door
I took her to her class. Hugged her,
Never said I loved her.
Later, in my own first grade
Class. I heard a bang, bang. bang.
I hid behind the tables.
Closing my eyes hoping that it would all go away.
I didn’t know what the sound was.
Everything was silent except the bangs.
I opened my eyes and saw red.
I saw my teacher
Shiny metal sticking out of her neck
Red blood oozing out of it.
Her face blank.
Her hands limp that once were so kind, pale and white.
Her hair still falling in its place.
But with an eerie stillness that did not look right.
I saw Emilie, Her light hair stained
Her blue eyes rolled back in her head.
Her skin ghost white.
Her ever present smile forced to a frown.
Her life slithered out from her.
Then I saw him.
bangs swept across his sweaty face
His eyes bulging out.
Who was he?
Why was he here?
What did he want?
I had to do it.
I burst through the door.
The loud bang a foreshadowing of the future.
Was she in there?
About to start.
Found a little girl.
Bleach blonde hair.
I pulled the trigger.
The vibrating joy pulsing through my body.
Her teacher stepped in front.
Glasses. A filthy kind face.
She was down.
Gushing out of her head.
Her skin wrapped like a present around each little wound.
The puss forcing its way past the bullets.
The sweet bitter smell reached my nose and I took a deep
Little girl next.
She looked right at me.
Her terrified little beady eyes begging for mercy.
I don't give no mercy.
Look what this hell of a world has done to me.
8 shots to the head.
Little chunks of scalp on the ground.
Her bleach blonde hair now swirled red.
Her eyes writhing in her face.
Struggling to stay alive.
She is dead.
I turned around towards the door.
Headed to room 2.
The other first grade class.
There was a little boy staring at me with those eyes of hate that I so crave.
I pretend not to notice him. But then he screamed.
They could not find me. I could not be caught.
Why did he have to make such trouble?
He needed to go.
That was the last one.
He turned towards the hall.
Arielle. He can’t get Arielle! I repeated in my head.
I screamed. I screamed
The loud noises even surprised me.
I was burning my own candle out to make hers last
The wax dripping down,
My candle burned out.
I began to see a new light from heaven.
Calling my name. Begging me to come join it.
To dance in eternity in the swirling wind.
He turned around.
Bang. Bang bang bang.
I fell to the ground and I prayed
That Arielle was
OK. Then, I closed my eyes for my final sleep
No childhood teddy bear by my side.
I shot the kid.
He was a danger to me.
He was too sharp.
He could kill me.
11 bullets ought to end him.
They hit hard.
His eyes trying to stay awake.
His hands raised up in the air to pray.
Blood pouring from his wrists.
Clumped where two of the bullets went in.
His hands fell to the ground.
In a straight line.
His head pierced with 7 shots.
Forming a crown of glory.
My glory that is.
Two bullets through his sides.
One through the heart.
I was engulfed by the light.
I was no longer a kid.
No more presents for Chanukah,
No more teddy bears
No more Toys.
A kid should not have to save his sister.
A kid is weak.
A kid needs protection.
Now I have bullets.
That is all I have. That's all I am.
Bullets are strong.
Bullets are not innocent, but they are still small.
They killed me on December 14th
But also saved my sister.
I saved my sister.
I am a bullet.
I am small and mighty.
I am strong.
I let my candle burn out for her.
I gave her my flame.
I want for her to be a Dradle
To spin round and round.
I want her white skirt to wave in the wind
As she dances.
The flame to flicker in her face to show her youth.
For her to keep spinning while all the voices around her
Call for her to collide with the ground.
For her eyes to show that glimmer of light.
For her to be loved for me and for her.
Never in a hundred years to thump
To the ground.
I want her to be tradition.
To never end.
Even if it meant that I lose the game
I just want her to be happy.
To open her presents
While I watch above
This way everyone is happy.
Even if it means I am only a memory one bullet away.