Oh But You Promised

You didn't make me well enough to survive
Your finger tips didn't paint me pretty enough 
You left me without a repertoire that was exotic enough
You didn't grace me with enough talent to be special 
But you promised blue eyes!
They were the only thing that could shed light on my inner beauty 
The thing you promised existed
The thing you told me I had
You said they were all jealous  
When the Barbie minions chanted ugly on the play ground
And when the boys played soccer with myself esteem
You said they really did because they were afraid 
Afraid the beauty imbedded within me 
You said it would show one day 
Raise like Lazarus from his slumber
Resurrected from its absence, it would crawl out of my ruble 
And meet them, meet the whole damn world
And you said it would dance on my face 
and give the impression that I was beautiful on the outside too
You promised me blue eyes
Beautifully forged from my hideous tears,
Which tore rivers down my cheeks 
Those eyes would signal the coming of acceptance 
I would be happy if I was beautiful 
They would like me if I was easier on the eyes 
You promised, but they never arrived 
I've grown old here waiting for you
The arrival of your promise 
was supposed to signal the beginning of my life
But you never came through
There was no thread left for the needle
Just like god didn't have enough beautiful left for me 
So you left me with desperation in these brown eyes 
I was never good enough,
 not even good enough for you to come through on your promise 
But I understand; why would there be enough love left for me,
when society can't even cultivate enough love for themselves!
 
Sincerely and Difficultly,  
The Explorer 
January 14, 2014 

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