Oh How I Cried

I’m wondering

How can I raise my daughter?

If I can label myself

An angry black woman

I see my flaws as weakness

Wanna be closer to God-

Maybe I lack the personality

Sometimes I’m so down

-& out

I’m sure I am the last person

He would want to hear from

The last to call on his name

The last

He would ever want ‘thanks’ from

The very last...

All I wanted to ever do these last

Seven (7) months

Was to do right by my baby

Help her to grow happy

In a loving place

Show her that love comes from

Within

How am I supposed to teach her?

How…

When I’m so angry

How…

If I walk around with a lot less than

A little faith

I’ve tried walking in the path of the righteous

But always do I fail,

Always do I feel

Like it won’t get better

B/c that path was made for the strong

So Who Am I

I fear for my daughter to

Rise into a path of hate

----like I

Rise into believing that

She is not heard

I need her not to be like

ME….

How do I teach her things?

Things that I don’t even know

How to pray

How to believe

How to have faith in& love God

How to love

How??????

If my life is so full of hatred

& chaos

How... if what I need her to know

Is the exact opposite, in many ways, of me

In my body

My heart

&my soul

I want to be close to Jesus

In my body

My heart

&my soul

Deep down in my soul

I need to be close to God

I just feel like I am

Hopeless& helpless

In his eye

Like I have no sense of purpose

I cry because I want help

I cry because I need help

I cry because no one wants to help

I cry because no one knows how to

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