An Ode to My Past

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An ode to my past,
to the love that didn't last.
For the love that I gave
and you just threw away.
Can you tell me why the pain I felt inside
Had to come from you?

I will never forgive you.

My first love was a test, of course.
Loss of virginity, an act of force...
I agreed to it, I wanted to please you
I got used to it,
and I wanted to tease you.
With just a phone call, you would come running...
Panting at my door.
You could have had me whenever
but even then, you wanted another.
You had sex with other women, I knew we were through.
I will never forgive you.

To the next, I though we'd be together for life.
You would be my husband and I'd be your wife.
Though I should have noticed...
You though of me as a door prize.
A king of manipulation and charm
with me wrapped around your arm.
You've twisted the truth
and even when there was proof
I still believed you.
I believed your lies.
I believed the pain inside
were fault to all the girls.
In reality, it was all you.
You put yourself out there for them and
I will never forgive you.

I tried
to take a step by choosing you.
I thought
I would go ahead and try something new.
Dating black men wasn't something that I needed to do...
I was wrong.
Being with a man as fragile and frail,
it took no time to realize our love would fail.
You were not my kind of man.
I needed someone strong or one with a rough hand.
Afterward, I found that I was made a fool.
You had found a lot of my friends to woo
and for that,
I will never forgive you.

Soon, I found strength like never before.
What I had was a U.S. soldier, ready for war.
You said you wanted me to be your wife
and I should follow you through your army life.
You wanted me to give you namesake sons
and I thought I had finally won.
Though that was not true...
I thought I had your love,
but your love was at the club.
Distance parted us farther than our differences.
You claimed another girl, but still wanted me.
Did you even tell her about your love and promises to me?
I will never forgive you.

I will never be either of yours again.
I don't even want to think of you as a friend.
You may think it as being just fine...
Can you even explain why?
Why was I not worth waiting for?
Why did you feed me all those lies?
I will never forgive you...
Never!
I have moved on
and I will never forgive you.

Poetry Slam: 

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