An Ode to my anxiety disorder

This is an ode to my anxiety disorder

I often feel like I can't breathe

Feel like the world is resting on my rib cages

I feel like I ain't mines

Like my body don't belong to me , never belong to me

I feel like the reply I gave to his goodbye wasn't good enough

I used to stay quiet

Cause my trembling hands would speak for me

Saying don't ask

Don't stare

I don't know if I'm ok

I move

Over there to avoid the questions cause hell I don't know either

I only remember what they say or said

I'm crazy , it ain't real it's all in my head

Mama says take a deep breath

I say and then what , wait for the teacher to ask if I'm ok and observe how my mouth doesn't move

It can't move

My father says I want attention

Says it's all in my imagination that I need to stop it

It won't stop

There is no emergency exit from my body

I take a trip to hell for 30 minutes at least 5 times a day

Anxiety turns Mo into Mahogany

Makes me think about how hard I smiled at the end of my last conversation

Stresses me out over if I should have walked with my right foot in front my left instead of my left over my right

When there is a constant conflict between your body and your brain your always and forever the person in the middle

There is no mediation

Your fingers are foreign objects that your body doesn't want anymore

and there is nothing you can do about it

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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