"Ode to Mom"; paranoid schizophrenia sufferer

"Ode to Mom"

Her laugh would fill the silent night,
And would keep my mind at ease;
Although she would laugh at nothing,
I never thought she had a disease.

Though her conversations would be within her lonely days,
I knew she had a companion somewhere far away.
And he would talk with her and help her see through the cloud of smoke hovering over her head.
And when I would lay in my bed, longing for sleep, I would hear her voice coming out the darkened hallway; so long and deep. "I love you," it would say,
and every night it would remain the same,
Until one day, a man had came through my hallway instead.

He told me she was gone, left the world during my sleep,
and through the shock and confusion, I did not immediately weep. 
I sat in the dark and thought back to the day
I was alone with my mom and I heard her say, 
"I think I have the right to choose when to go."

Though I wished to stay there and ponder more,
Two men in uniform came to bring me out the door.
They brought me to sit in a big, lit room, as they talked and grieved,
But I let my eyes do the grieving for me.
I saw a pamphlet with big, black letters on top,
Saying, "What to do when a loved one has died."

And though everything in my mind told me to cry,
I sat there unsure if I should try.
I knew I would hear her voice from the darkened deep,
But I would never see her again before I fell asleep.


But I found solace in the fact she chose when she would go
I was her son, and I loved her so,
And I could respect her decision to go.
Though many people have told me this before,
I never thought she had a disease.

This poem is about: 
My family


Jan Wienen

Thank you ... so very special

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