Ocean of Tears
I’m not happy, can’t you see?
I dying and crying endlessly
And when my tears dry up I’m left by myself
To crawl out of the dirt
Just to land in an ocean that I can’t swim in.
The water is so cold I feel numb,
I feel dumb
Guilt nips at my feet
“What the hell is wrong with me”
Why would I speak
They don’t want to hear my voice
They are not my friends by choice
Choice
It’s such a beautiful word
People put it on a pedestal calling it hope
But it’s a lie
Choice is a lie
If I could choose, why would I be suffering
Or do I deserve it
Do I deserve to stay awake with an hour of sleep for every week
Do I deserve to walk out of my house just to walk back in because I know,
I may not be able to see them but they are judging me
Do I deserve every wound inflicted on me by my own hand
Do I deserve the broken bones I got
When I let people damage me with their best shot
And I hoped to god the pain would end
Only for it to happen again and again
Do I deserve to dismiss all that as my fault
God everything is my fault
When peoples plans are ruined because it rained
Its my fault I even decided to go out that day
Because I made it rain
I ruined everybody’s day
When I tell people it hurts
They are worried
When I tell people the reason it hurts is because I’m numb
They leave
Everyone leaves
And I’m left to fend for myself
Slowly drowning in an ocean
Floating to the bottom of the sea
As I feel the dirt and sand sweep over me
A magical grave dug from tears and screams
All my hope floats away
Along with my dreams of escape