Not a poem
I feel a puppet with many masters
I want to be free, to feel something real
To be wanted and desired
Loved for more than the physical
To be deeply and madly in love
To be held when I’m cold, comforted when I'm crying
Why does it have to hurt so bad
Like a never ending gut wrenching pain
That I can’t discuss, just stops me in my tracks
No matter how far I’ve come from it
No matter how “good” I’ve gotten
I’m still failing life
I wish I could just vanish or at least the pain could
I wish I could feel love as deeply as I feel this pain
I wish I could be showered with kisses the same way
I shower my pillows with tears
I wish he cared as much as me
I wish he gave a damn I wish I didn’t
I wish he wasn’t such a good bad guy
I hope this is the last time
Since the first time I laid my eyes on you
you’ve crossed my mind everyday
Everyday yearning for your attention
Your love, Your everythingship
Why couldn’t you be that
Why did you have to hurt me so much
Why do I care so much
I have to stop I have to just end it
Physically it’s over, but mentally you’re still here
I still see you feel you, smell you, taste you
Want you
Wanted you* goodbye
To all the boys who never loved me.