Not Again

We've been through hard times,
We've had misunderstandings.
We've been close,
We've been far.
He made me believe,
Made me think,
He actually meant everything.
He cheated on another girl with me,
Dumped her FOR me,
And I didn't know until recently.
He denied it all,
But slipped up.
Told a friend,
Who is brutally honest with me,
And won't let me go without the truth.
I still accepted him for who he was,
Still loved him,
Still thought I might actually BE enough.
I was wrong on that part,
Right in the sense of where he was,
What he was doing.
He sat at a girls house,
Told me to call.
She picked up the phone,
And I sat there trying not to bawl.
Then she said 4 words,
That sent me spiraling down.
I cried so hard,
I was sure the whole town heard.
He tells an excuse,
But what does that matter?
He still says,
We aren't together.
Guys have torn my heart,
Throughout time,
From the very start.
They've made it shrink,
Slowly but surely,
With each and every heartbreak.
One boy burned a big chunk,
And I barely had anything left.
I intended to hide it until I was sure.
I felt nothing for any guy,
Until he came along.
He sweet talked me,
Got my heart out in the open,
Despite my protests,
I gave in.
I took what was left of it,
And put it all into him.
I gave him the last shred,
To prove he was different,
To prove all I had thought wrong.
But he ended up doing the very thing,
The one thing he said he wouldn't.
He took that last piece,
Everything that was left,
Set it on fire,
Juggled it around,
Then let it drop,
And didn't bother picking it back up.
So I sit here,
With a gaping hole,
Wondering how he managed to wiggle in,
Get his way under my skin,
Forced himself into my head.
How he managed to make me actually believe,
Honestly think,
For once it was true.
For once it was different.
How ridiculous!
It will always be the same,
Always end just like before.
Then someone else confesses,
Of a love for me.
Like I am going to go through it again,
Like I'm going to believe.
He may be a nice guy,
But I thought all the others were too.
They all ended up jerks,
The nicer I thought,
The worse they were.
I won't do it,
No, not again.
I have no heart left,
Nothing to love,
Nothing to be loved with.
What would have been,
Was tormented,
Until it was gone,
Shriveled up,
Broken and lost.
It doesn't exist,
All thanks to him.
He got to be the one to end it,
To take all that was left,
And for what?!
His own pleasure.
His own sick game.
He made me believe,
And I'll never make that mistake again.
~Sam. M.~


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