Who am I?
Because I'm struggling in a way that I don't understand,
And I'm living in a world that relationships
So easily become a misconception of a wholesome bond.
I have this fleeting heart making me incapable.
I see that I'm missing out on something so much greater.
You see.. My past is broken and was lived in a way so potent.
Reckless, deprived of security.
Now I see the fulfillment
and my mind can't conceive the notion of reality.
What it means to love, everyday becomes more of a mystery to me.
The way she smiles when I see her, gives me this fantasy,
and the way we relate, it gave me an epiphany.
It must be the purity seen only through spirituality.
But she doesn't understand me!
She can't relate to me!
I CANT HANDLE THE NOBILITY!
What is love?
Commonly its the blasphemy of our generation.
The death of the ingenuity.
The dreadful pride of sexual immorality.
The weakness you feel in your gut,
making it unbearable to face me.
It's the relentless chaos,
Rising up inside of me.
All the facts worth facing as a man longing for intimacy,
The truth is pushed back behind the baptistry.
The furthest thing you'd ever want me to be.
And for the longest time I figured it was too late for me,
LIving my life alone in my defensive bunker mentality….
Why is it so hard to face up to the spiritual aspect,
And finally grow up to be the man you've instilled in me?
For so long I found comfort in simply being accepted,
I swore up and down you couldn't make me bleed.
Oh how you make me bleed..
If only you could see me,
You'd find me sweating so heavily,
DROP! BY! DROP!
THAT LAST GLIMPSE OF MY INTEGRITY!
The scales in my eyes have fallen away,
And I can see!
What was missing all this time was the honest intimacy,
Contrasting to the worldly sexual identity,
It was the familiarity.
The true cut facet of lasting Identity.
The sacred notion meant for relating.
Love is not a basis for the deception of passion's true meaning.
It's the wholesome feeling of belonging,
and coherent understanding of the factual interpretation,
Of our spiritual uplifting.
I finally found the answer
Yet still it kills me.
Digs deeper into my back with that knife,
Pours salt into my wounds.
Still you beckon me, understanding it's not too late for me.
Providing me with a love so sweet,
leaving my heart with bitter-sweet cavities.
How can I not fall for thee,
On my knees begging for the opportunity.
For the spirituality aspect meant for the relation I long to have
With someone so greater than me.
And I see it in my dreams,
waking up with that longing for you just to be with me.
The soft touch you place on me,
It's not just a touch,
God only knows how reassuring it is for me.
God forgive me,
And if only she could forgive me.