No more light

And now that the light is gone and we are blind, you reach out to find me. I have been here but only now do you care. What about before? Did I not matter then? Do you think I have something you do not? We are in the same situation but only now do you think of me. I only have the same things you do but I. I am used to the dark. I invite it. I use it. I run from you because you cannot help me. I run away because you only would want to hurt me to get something that I don’t have. If I had a light I would throw it down and run. Light brings brightness to find things. I do not want you to find me. I am better off alone. I like the dark. It hides everything and that includes me. I do not want someone to call for me. If they even know who I am. I am ALONE. I work better that way. I do not like more people. Too many have hurt me without a second glance back. They don’t look back to see what they did. They might not even know what they did but I do. I was there. I felt the pain, the hurt, the rejection. I have been rejected but I learned to love it. The dark. The only way to get away. My only escape. Why must I run? Why can’t I just be able to show how I feel? Why must I hide. Why can’t I just be accepted? Why does everyone hate me? Why? Is it something I’ve done? Something I didn’t do?  I just keep running. Tears streaming down my face. Why don’t you care? If I did something stupid would you notice? Or is my mask, my fake calm, my way of going around enough to fool you. To fool everyone. I fool you just so you don’t worry. If you worry then people would treat me worse that they do now. They would treat me different. More than now. I am already an outsider. But this would be worse. I would have people giving me sideways looks. Wondering if I am going to do something stupid. I might. I might lash out at someone. I hate getting looks. I hate not fitting in. But I guess it’s not my place to fit in.

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