no beat

No Beat

twenty one days, new beat,
dark,warm, happy
small so very small and undistinguished
but that'll change, I'll get bigger,
my clay-like features won't be so undistinguished.

Twenty- five days, miniscule limbs.
Forty-nine days, strong beat.
Dark, warm, content.
Fingernails, eyelids, nose, mouth, toes, lips.
Fifty-six days, I can kick, I can swim, I can hear,
swim in the dark, kick at mom's voice.
Mom doesn't know yet, I'm still invisible to her.

Mom knows! She just found out that I'm here.
She should be happy, but somethings not right.
Sudden shift, why so scared mom? Its warm, its dark,
very happy.
Safe in mom, bigger now but still so small.
So small mom wouldn't let anything hurt me,
dark, warm, safe, happy.

Not so happy, not right, cold bright light, pain.
Hurts, hurts so much
sharp steel, bright metallic glint, covered in red,
my red.
Not safe in mom, not warm and dark, no more days.
Sad, no beat anymore.
Still small will never change, not anymore.
No beat now just pain,
no pain for me, my pain stopped.

Pain for mom.
sorrow, despair, pain, heartache, there's no beat anymore,
there are no limbs, no more swimming, no more kicking, no more hearing,
never laughing, never smiling, never loving, never breathing.

No beat.

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741