that night

I came home that night smelling of rain and cigarette smoke and teenage love so deep, set into my pores like the ink on my skin.


I knew that my mother was awake when she heard my keys jingle in the door she had felt it through the drywall. I was falling in love.


I smiled and stuck my hand in my pocket holding onto the match that you used to light my cigarette, I still felt your presence within. Where you said you were 22 degrees and i was your sun, the night I melted in your fingertips.


Then i came home smelling like vanilla and vodka, the lavender buds you had stuck behind my ear as we created our own little world  on that trail in the woods. My mother noticed how your shirt draped messily along my shoulders, that also was inside out, as she brushed the hair out of my eyes, I could see the glistening tears well up as she spoke through her eyes… Don't you dare fall in love.


As i kissed her cheek i tried to piece together last night in the best way I could, I tasted your skin on my fingers as I washed last night away.


Next i came home smelling like thunderstorms and fire, breakup songs and cheap tequila seeping off of my lips, the smell alone made me want to throw up blood and rose thorns and the mascara that had smudged under my eyes.


She just looked at me…


And three weeks later i met a boy who isn't so cold and let me keep his shirts to sleep in when i missed him.


I came home that night smelling like everything safe, telling myself not to dare fall in love.


Do not fall in love with people like me, i will take you to parks and secret trails where only we belong, where the only sounds are the breathing of our sins and the sweet love of the city. I will kiss you everywhere so you can't go there again without tasting me on your lips. I will destroy you in the most beautiful and passionate way and when i leave you will then understand why storms are named after people.


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