Neverending Cycle

Thu, 01/22/2015 - 03:19 -- cbebber
I can feel my health dwindling, 
depreciating, 
spiraling downward. 
I thought these feelings would dissipate with the snow, 
but they show no signs of leaving:
Refusing to pack their bags. 
I feel sick every morning. 
I almost can't eat breakfast. 
I skip dinner to avoid morning sickness. People might think I'm pregnant. 
When will it end? Tomorrow? Next Week? Two weeks? Five years? 
It just continues. 
Never ending. 
Dragging me farther into a place I don’t want to be. 
 
I thought I got better. 
I thought it was over, but these things never end. 
It's a constant battle. 
 
Forgiving and forgetting are important. 
I thought I could do both. 
Forgiving is easy 
when you love someone with your heart and soul,
but the thought of what has happened haunts me. 
It's started infesting my dreams, 
transforming them into nightmares. 
Darkness pulls me in. 
The light dissipates. 
Farther. 
Farther. 
Until I'm alone, 
crouching, scared, 
stripped in the ever going shadow.
 
I don't want to be here. 
Not again. 
I want to reach for the light so it can take me from this place 
like it did once before, 
but the scars from the burns it left shine:
Just bright enough to see, 
too dim to use as a guide. 
 
I want to end it. 
 
If only there was something. 
Anything. 
To end the continuous pain that fills my body.
 

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