Too late

To stop me

To bring me to my senses.

 

Too soon

For me to react

For me to notice your gaze.

 

Too strong

To be forgotten

To be left behind.

 

Too weak

To be worth anything to the others

To show myself, to prove anything.

 

I can't hold myself up anymore

Can't see, can't breathe

Can't ask for another open door.

 

Just want to give up, give in to the rage

The rage that I can't find

That I can't find the end of.

 

Just want to let them see me fight

Fight, fight fight

They're chanting.

 

Just want to give up and fight

Fight, fight, fight

Infectious roars.

 

I don't want to resort to violence

But it seems the only way

That I'll save my meagre chances of survival.

 

There they go again,

Fight, fight, fight,

Just the voices in my head.

 

I'm blind and lost

Behind my rage-red cataracts

My senses numb in fury.

 

There's some fire

That I thought I'd put behind me

Only hidden far away, deep below the surface.

 

I can't help but give up and fight

Fight, fight, fight

They only get louder.

 

And I cry when my senses come back

When I finally realize

What I couldn't help but do.

 

And they stare

They shake their heads

Oblivious to my crisis.

 

-Smarten up.

How I dread that phrase.

It means she doesn't care.

 

It means she thinks I'm just a fake.

Never fight, I think.

Don't give in to that.

 

And never break your own heart

Just to see how it works.

You know enough.

 

You know it hurts.