Dear SAD,

 

Unwelcome friend, we meet again,

“Longtime no see”………….but not nearly long enough, believe me.

In fact, I really wouldn’t mind if you didn’t come around anymore.

Yet here you are again, tromping through this bolted, padlocked, metal door.

I don’t know how you do it,

Yet here you are again,

Embracing me, giving me feels I don’t want to feel,

Trying to make me yours.

 

To be honest, you’re such a bad influence, I mean, everyone can see

That I’m not myself when I’m with you,

The antithesis of me.

That happy, go-lucky girl of almost 18, because of you, seems like a dream.

Each day with you a prolonged night,

Perpetual darkness, and so I dream,

Of restful sleep, the urge to sing, the strength to breathe.

 

You coerce me, wear me down,

Make me stay in bed with you,

A terrible lover.

Between the sheets lost in the memories of used to be.

You drown me, my thoughts the river, eyes a longing stream,

Tossing and turning, drifting helplessly along the current,

As you caress me with your coldness,

And sing me to sleep with the bitter notes of your frosted melody.

 

For so long, I’ve tried to keep this (non)relationship a secret,

But there are trusted few

who see my soul whether or not I want them to.

The rest of them, are still clueless about us, no not us,…….you,

When I tell them I’m sick, they don’t know that it’s really because of you.

You, my star crossed lover in the coldest nights, who instead of warming me makes me freeze

 

See, I have made order out of this chaos, sense out of this madness,

But I am tired (No, that doesn’t mean I’m going back to bed).

I’m tired of feeling your fingertips of ice intertwining with mine,

Of perpetually watching the salt grind under my soles.

I’m tired of entertaining your friends, Depression, and January,

Of fighting your cold kiss of death.

I am tired of shuddering from your bone-chilling breath,

Of just sitting, looking out over this white world with you,

Tell me, why would I ever watch the ground when I can gaze at the clouds?

I am tired of skipping parties for you, classes for you, dances for you, meals for you

I’m over it

 

Everything you thought we had is over now

This is history

So I’ll take what I’ve learned from these past five years

 

Now I’m fighting for a newer, better, me

 

Sincerely,

A Quiet Girl Speaks