Dear friend . I'm just writing to say hi because saying hi feels a lot better than saying goodbye .   I have felt supremely stressed. I've been under a lot of duress . Getting little sleep and I have not said one peep hoping pray I ng I can take a leep from sickness to health  . I'd love to enjoy great wealth of spirit.  I feel like I moving backwards. Nothing appears to be getting better. Raspy voice not my first choice. Getting up at three really does not work for me. Something has hone wrong in my body .  I have done a lot of reflection on my early adult choices. Regret not once not twice.  Dealing with a range of issues ..  no tissues to be found  silence is the  sound I hear the fear the fear is deafening . To many questions not enough answers. Self absorption and worry living life like an old person could not be worsen . Stress and worry at a ten . Wondering will it get better. When oh when .  Need a brake visualize the beuty of a pristine lake. I'd capture it all in the first take.  Thoughts of death and dying without even much trying .id be lying if I didnt say I aint afraid. Full of anxious energy. Effects my thoughts and speech need to find relief hoping and praying it's in my reach.  Firm emotional boundary rigid  laundry  unfolded by the ego.  Does me no good . Looking to others to fix my hood would it be ok to say I'm late for my own play .   Comparing myself to others. Feeling so much shame . Feeling stuck like I ran out if luck . Karma is a bitch I've created fear and lonliness resulting from years of disconnect choosing fear over love is not correct .  Strain of the heart. Take me,away in a cart . Premature aging feeling the late staging . It ain't amazing. Need to let go need to fit in acting out? Acting in has been my greatest sin.
 Watched others take it on the chin.  Life of limited joy. Boy oh boy my body is my body is no toy . Appreciation need more of a creation  a mulligan a do over . Red rover red rover love and prosperity could that be sent over?  Crazy eights . A lack of any kind of dates . Loss of humor that's the rumor . Escape fantasy from a one to a two to a three. If I dont do something different if I can't speak up than my time on this earth will most certainly be up.  I raise my glass I show you my cup loved all the time you looked at me to say what's up. I appreciate you for all that you do. From one jew to another oh brother . Sometimes I wish we came from the same mo t her .. it's been no way to live . Got to be honest . The fear and seriousness takes a toll on my sole.   I miss you friend . The movie in my head goes right to the end . I love your energry and passion. I felt your compassion .
 I just don't know what to do can't seem to do it any better. Wake up  long commute does not compute . Lingering symptoms dont appear to go away . Looking for answers each  and every day. Try not to share would hate to show you how much I really care.  Would I even dare. Need answers my friend . Pray to turn it around . The personality I have tells me to work work work but then act like a jerk jerk jerk . The complaining could be utterly draining the abstaining from life living existing without a husband or a wife . Make myself sick so I can be nurtured A ND loved by another. Someone else's mother or,brother . Dear sister I really missed her.  Self pity man that's shitty .lessons learned lessons gained. Your looking down on me again. I know you so quick to judge and shake your head fuck you is what I really said . Doctor please fix me I need another chance to enjoy life allow my spirit to prance so once and for all i can take center stage and allow the world to watch me dance.