my mom
in my head
my mom was never a drug addict
in my head
my mom was a gentle woman
with soft skin and strong hands
my mom was the woman who sat me down
and taught me to tie a bow
on a teddy bear's ribbon
my mom was a woman
who always smelt warm and sweet
like sweet pea and cigarettes
in my head
my mom was a beautiful light
whose eyes crinkled at the sides when she laughed
so, to me
my mom never left
because she was always there
in my head
maybe that was the hardest part about her return
she is not the perfect image i created
in order to survive the pain of her absence
she is not a perfect angel
who brings light to the world
my mom is a woman who hurts
my mom is a woman that has been through hell
but most importantly,
my mom is a fighter
that fought her way back to me
she may not be the woman i created
in my head
but she is a beautiful woman
who is not giving up
on me or herself