I wake up

I breathe in relief

When I see your messages

You’re still here:

One text

Two snapchats

And an instagram notification

 

I fear that you'll leave me

Why not?

They’ve all spoken those same kind words

“I love you”

“I’ll never leave you”

But they all ended

With me on the floor

Shattered

 

Through panicked breaths

I convince myself

That you’re different

You love me

You need me

You aren't selfish

And you don't use people like mindless toys

 

Nobody has sent chills down my spine

Just by saying my name

I never lit up when I said their names

They never smiled when they said mine

 

But still

My mind can't help

But to wander into

The unwanted depths

Of fear

Regrets

Worries

 

I tell myself to get out

Get out of my mind

It never goes right

When I leave

To voice

My self consciousness

 

Every song

Every verse

I think of you

No song

In particular

They all remind me of you

 

Ones I shared with other people

Have been replaced

With the memories

Of you

Holding me

 

I awaken in your arms

And I’m no longer scared

You need me

As much as I need you

You cling to my side

As you drift off

 

Me

Only me

Nobody else

For once

There is no

Other

Just me

And you

Together

 

Your name

Carved into my soul

“If found

Please return to”

 

I can't bare to see you go

And I hope

And I pray

That just maybe

You feel the same

 

You loved me

Through my fits

Tears

Anger

Laughter

The words

That burnt my tongue

 

When I come home

All I hear

“Is she on drugs”

“She never smiles

Not like that”

You’re my drug

 

Jealousy

Ended one already

It can't happen with you

I need you

 

You force me to breathe

When I’m not strong enough

When I can't

I can't keep it together

When I recover

I never thank you enough

 

I never

Never ever

Stop to tell you how strong

How kind

How smart

You are

My brain

It always jumps

Straight to beauty

To being hot

Forgive me

You are more

Than a pretty face

And a nice body

You are a person

Who I love

 

Your voice

Reminds me of many things

The calming sound

Of rain on  a window

Gentle piano music

A person humming

To their favorite song

Too scared

For others to hear

Their beautiful voice

 

Eyes are the window

To the soul

You can see anger

Pain

Joy

 

In yours

I have seen all

At the same time

 

They remind me

Of a tide coming in

The contrasting blues

Of the setting sun

A winter sky

 

Your details

Make you perfect

A blank slate

That became someone

The freckles

Scars

Stretch marks

 

They're natural

They make you

Into you

You

The only

My only

 

A mindless drabble

Self pity

Just a teen

Who thinks

That she’s found love

But

I will prove them wrong

When we stand

At the altar

Saying

“I do”

 

Our love doesn't exist

Through perfection

Nor ignorance

It exists because

Of trial and error

Acceptance

Making an effort

 

You can't be perfect in everything you do

You can't

Try

You may

But it'll never happen

 

But that is why we work

So well together

You know

That I can't be perfect

Yet

You still adore me

 

When I look

Into a mirror

And want to shatter

The image of myself

You appear

 

You take the rock

From my hand

Kiss my head

 

Instead

I see you

In the mirror

Grabbing at the

“Imperfections”

And realize

How pointless

All the self wallowing

Really is

 

Because we see

The same version

Of myself

The same image

And you kiss it

Make me forget

Love me

Even through these flaws

 

I was scared

Scared of love

Scared of commitment

Scared of feelings

Scared of being silenced

By the one

Who told me

To voice my soul

 

But I’m not scared

Not anymore

I am my own person

I belong to nobody

I matter

Whether others think that

Or if they want me dead

 

It only took

A couple heartbreaks

And years of pretending

To come to terms

That I can't spend my life

Being someone's bitch

And I know this now

Because of you