My Little Angel

Sat, 11/30/2013 - 20:44 -- rpengov

I wanted to give up, I thought I had enough,

I pulled my hair, stared, and sat there,

I scratched my arms, and bit my lips,

I screamed and cried, and prayed to God that if I could just die, everything would be better, it wouldn’t be so hard to just say goodbye,

I felt so alone, my hands in my lap, I unscrewed every single bottle cap. I thought of all the ways I could just disappear, I felt so alone, as if no one was near,

I was ready to take pills, to drink, to do drugs, I was ready to do anything to go home to God above,

I questioned every single idea of the word love, I felt as though I had no idea what the hell it even was,

I didn’t know what this sickness was, I didn’t know where I went wrong, but I knew these feelings and I, we just didn’t belong,

I was ready to go, to leave this world behind, I searched and searched but found no objections in my mind,

I sat on the floor, so desperate to be saved. I knew it wouldn’t happen, so I was ready to go that day,

Suddenly things changed, when my angel came through the door, he knelt down next to me,  and grabbed my hands in his, he looked up into my eyes, I saw his need for me, and my heart felt so surprised, the hottest tears filled my eyes, and I cursed myself for considering leaving him behind,

He saved my life that day, for if he hadn’t come through that door, I would have given up everything that I now live for,

I live for the way he looks at me, and the way he holds my hand, the beautiful little boy he is, and how he’ll be a wonderful man,

I live for the way he makes me love, and for the way he’ll say my name,

I live because I won’t stand to be a person who caused him any pain. This little boy, he makes me sane. My little angel, my nephew, he is everything to me,

If you ever go through this pain, stop and really think,

Think of who you love, and your heart will automatically sink, There is someone who needs you, who can’t live with you gone,

These suicidal thoughts, they are all wrong,

If you can’t think of someone who needs you, I hope you think of me, I promise you will get better, you have to wait and see, There’s a purpose for you here, and I hope it soon grabs your hands and looks you in the eyes, I hope it makes your heart feel so warm with such a nice surprise, Please look at yourself and smile, I assure you the pain will only stay awhile.  

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