My whole life I thought I was an                             outsider,

I thought that everyone else had the secret

Answers, that I wasn’t allowed to

Discover.

My whole life I believed everything I said was wrong.

I was tired of always failing the tests, so I wrote a new song.

I rearranged

The melodies,

Deleted

The notes that seemed out of tune,

Erased

The beats from my heart.

And the symphonies that made me, me

Were no longer visible for anyone to see.

 

I became a chameleon

As I moved

From place to place.

Played my roles perfectly, as I stayed in the lanes.

Forgot my own color,

As my soul grew smaller.

I didn’t have a place to call home, not even in myself,

I had to be the rock

For everybody else.

My heart ached

As I went through

Every.

Mundane.

Day.

I hid my shame and self-hatred

Behind a mask and smiled the tears away.

 

Then I was just exhausted,

Exhausted at harboring every

Feeling,

Holding them

Down from the surface so I don’t have to feel them.

I guess something cracked as I held the explosions in. It started flowing out of my vains onto the Floor until the last drop of life bleed out.

Gray days,            melancholy,

Years wasted,         Life is folly,

So hurt,

Nobody realized

I had quietly died

Internally--

Bit

By

Bit

Piece

By

Piece

My soul

D    i    s    a   p   p   e   a   r   e   d.

 

Unable to hold the weight

Of everybody's burden

I was no longer real

Person.

A hollow vessel,

No direction,

Too used to going through the motions.

I defined myself as empty,

Before I realized it’s all relative.

I was holding myself

Back and doing what everybody else was already doing.

Boxing me in,

Fitting me in

Nicely in their own category.

 

Reality is

I’m more than what’s on the exterior.

I’m more than my past,

More than the limits that I have yet to surpass.

I am more than my desires and passions.

 

I am my intentions.

I am everything that I did and didn’t do.

I am everything that I strive to do too.

Now, I don’t know where the story goes,

I’m only human.

I am constantly changing,

I might not turn out to be what the world is assuming.

But a life spent being miserable is a waste.

So I  wanted to have a taste,

Of what it’s like to be my own hero,

A vow to be true to myself and not compromising

My happiness for others’.

I will value my opinions even if nobody will.

It revived the little girl I once had to kill.

The truth is I don’t know who that is and that is fine

I won’t limit myself to a word because I’m undefined.