My Jar, My Cage, My Realisation

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I'm just now realising that my original plan is failing
I was supposed to be soaring in this sea of joy
but I'm not cuase I'm just sailing
just barely floating in this sea of misery 
it's no mystery 
I treated my heart like a toy
playing make pretend 
trying to pretend that I wasn't hurting 
saying its just harmless flirting 
but now in my jar that I created 
I'm spilling all my lies as if we were mated
then I pause
waiting for my applause
my acting was spectacular 
my plan was full proof 
I mean I could've been tackier 
but I'd already blown off the roof
but when the curtains closed
I fell out of character
because I had realised
my original plan was was failing 
and my tears were trailing 
my walls had been breached my jar was within your reach
you grabbed me but not all that gently 
then dropped the glass as if to shatter me
the cuts missed me so narrowly 
that now I can see
make since
probably not cause its not like cents 
you can't count the shardes and understand me
you broke my ammour 
But am I still tu amor?
You whisper sweet nothings to calm me
And for some strange reason its calming 
Its funny I've been in line for so long
Waiting for loves call that imitations grew strong
Crushing and believing for so long I'd forgotten loves voice
So now that I could be close I'm stuck with this choice
Believe or be deceived 
In what has alluded me 
Beacuase now that I have my jar fixed 
I don't have to see 
What's ahead of me 
I'm protected in these walls that I call my best friend 
But my walls don't talk back 
So I pray that this don't end
Please don't cause me to backtrack 
I'm scared yes 
But not all that distressed
I'm trusting you 
So I'm taking a step out of this jar
Recreating my plan
Just don't shatter me

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