To My Father

 

Knock it off.

           Stop lying.

I know everything.

Whether you think I do or not.

I know.

That you have a girlfriend, a record, anger problems.

The “business trips” are to LA to visit your mistress. You cheated.

That’s why I don’t see you and mom together watching reality tv and arguing over who is gonna win the million.

Like the old days.

Feelings don’t just fade after 20 years.

The tickets your “buddy” sent you the other day? They were from her.

The 2 hour phone calls? No, they aren’t your mom. I know they’re her.

I found her Facebook, Instagram, Twitter. I stalked her for an entire night.

The thought that you would leave this soft, sophisticated, and strong-willed mother,

for this dolled up “princess”, didn’t leave my mind that night.

She will never compare to the women you left for her.

My mom. My mom can be insane. I get that. I can even understand leaving her.

But cheating?

 

You’re not my hero.

Yet I look up to you. But why?

You are nothing but a washed up drunk trying to get by on lies and deceit.

Yet l look up to you still.

 

Do you not realize the road you have paved for me?

If not for me, the little girls. Innocent little minds.

Being introduced slowly into this heinous world,

To quote one of your favorite songs, “You grow up quick, when you grow up poor.”

Sadly, the little girls are learning that and learning it way too young.

They would not have too if you stayed to do a father’s job.

Momma’s working 2 jobs and doing anything she can to help us get by.

Working night and day not being able to be there for us because you won’t support your family.

You don’t realize the heartache and struggle we are all going through.

 

Ecspecially your oldest son.

Your oldest son was recently diagnosed with chronic depression.

But how would you know that? You weren’t there to find out.

Even if someone had told you, you would be to hammered to remember.

The demons in his head.

He’s impossible to talk to because he is overcome with sadness and sorrow.

WAKE UP

Your son’s going through a living hell, partially because you won’t man up.

Help out the family and instead you say curseful words like “Man up”

Any cursing, slang crazy word you can think of, you name it, you said it.

You are only making it worse.

He feels so pressured to be perfect when the only role model he has is drinking the night away.

The way he walks, talks and presents his image.

It breaks my heart to see that, how do you stand it?  

You’re no longer a father,

Or at least to me. Your oldest son.

 

This poem is about: 
My family

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